Back then hoes didn’t want me
July 28, 2011Dear god, I’ve always been a prolific writer. I can prove it by these excerpts from journals, essays and fiction I wrote in those years profanely referred to as “middle school.”
After digging through a box full of these historical documents, I noticed a few recurring themes (a bit of which is documented here): love of dogs, fear of flying and my altruistic nature toward the cliched world peace.
Though it seems to me now that these things are a given, I never really knew that’s who I ALWAYS was. Sorting through this hilarious mess was deeply enlightening, and I owe endless thanks to the teachers who made me document these thoughts that would have been soiled by time.
Here are some of my favorite excerpts, punctuated and spelled originally:
Also, America was discriminating Ho Chi Minh. We thought he was just a bad guy because he was communist. Isn’t that what we fought so hard to stop in the Civil War?
Of course I’m the star but my co-stars include many diverse people. They include: Whopi Goldberg, Eddie Murphy, Jennifer Anniston, Bill Cosby, Adam Sandler and Sheri Oteri (who left SNL for my show).
Howdy partner! My names Cowboy Joe. I’m a livin out here in the sticks a Texas.
I’m so lucky to be born in America. I couldn’t begin to imagine living in a poorer country like the Phillipenes.
I had tons of puppies, I was married to _____ and I was famous. Only one wish left. I had to make it good. Finally, I wished to have peace on Earth.
I should win a medal for lots of things including – I can fit a soda can into my mouth and I’m the world’s biggest dog lover and I can make my nose really skinny and I’m the best student in the world.
One day when I awoke from a deep sleep and looked in the mirror, I saw I was starting to grow gills.
I sometimes wish I had a better family but deep down I know I love them and they love me – even my brother!
(About an airplane ride) I jumped up and immediately ran to the toilet. Hey you would have to go too after that dreadfull ride!
On a timeline of my life: Be valedictorian. Marry Freddie Prince Jr. Host TRL. Crash one of my eight cars. Freddie Dies in a limo crash. I marry Carson Daly.
